I am the selfish mother

I am the selfish mother, which is something pre children I would have never dreamed of becoming. I make sure I have adequate time away from my children, I buy myself treats, I go to the gym and leave my child in a crèche. I am more than happy to book weekends away with friends and have nights out getting drunk and I feel no shame in this. I go to work and feel no guilt leaving my children for the day, as I get adult conversation and money to treat myself. I lock myself away in my bedroom whilst my husband watches the children so I can write my blogs or even sit on Facebook in peace. I even have long baths and leave my husband in charge of the chaos. I sometimes ignore my children and I don’t jump up for their every request. The playdoh and art supplies stay firmly in the cupboard and comes out if I can be bothered.

I am a selfish mother and that suits me fine. I spent so much time trying to give my children every ounce of me and the consequences were not good. I tried to do too much and I got to breaking point and wasn’t able to care for my children properly because of this. I will never become that emotionally and physically drained mother again as my children were not getting the best of me. For me to be a good mother I need to look after myself first so I can look after them. I am again enjoying being a mother and I am again capable of giving my children quality time that they deserve.

I used to force myself to take the children out constantly and felt guilty if they were stuck in whilst I had to do the housework. I used to spend every penny I had on my children’s clothes and shoes when I reality they didn’t need as much as I was giving them. I am strict on bedtime so I get my evenings to myself again, as this is my time and it is important to me for my mental wellbeing. My children are my priority, I love them dearly and their needs are met but I can be selfish whilst this is achieved. As a mother we are told we need to sacrifice everything, our bodies, our looks, our time, our friends, our money and that really isn’t fair. My husband has given up a lot to be a father, but he isn’t the one who has to drop everything at the drop of a hat if a child is ill, or plan his whole life around school pick-ups and after school clubs. I am the one that keeps this house running not because of my money I put in, it is because I plan every aspect of our lives to fit in and work perfectly. I had forgotten for some time to plan myself into this time for me to have a break, but I now am.

2017 will continue to be about me, my wellbeing, my happiness and the happiness pf our whole family. I deserve a break as much as anyone and I will take it.



13 thoughts to “I am the selfish mother”

  1. I loved reading this. There does seem to be an unwritten rule among parents, especially mothers, that if you don’t give everything you have to your children, you’re a bad parent. It’s simply not true. Very well done. ❤❤❤

  2. It’s such a necessity to take care of yourself as well as everyone else, it’s a lesson you learn the hard way and I certainly have. I don’t view it as being selfish but more as a necessary step to parent well – I’m no use to them when I’m face down in the arena, sobbing. Great post.

  3. I am going to echo Sarah and say a huge well done. I remember your breaking point post, and you come across as being in a much happier place now. There is so much truth in looking after yourself, to make sure you can look after others. I think the alpha parent (because it could be a dad) always has that extra strain on them, but somehow, there is no one to take the pressure off. It’s something you have to take control of yourself. Fab post. Thank you for sharing with the #DreamTeam. Wishing you a very Happy New Year xx
    Annette, 3 Little Buttons recently posted…#DreamTeam Linky 35My Profile

  4. Needing a break isn’t selfish – it’s human. If you are the selfish mom, then I guess I am too. I also get out for nights out and have weekend sleep-ins thanks to my hubby. I need that break to be any good to my family, especially because my job is teaching. (Not many breaks there either.) Society wants to tell us this is selfish, but I am not sure I buy it.

  5. It’s not selfish; it’s necessary. Few mothers are going to be able to take care of, and be kind to, their children consistently if they’re not able to take care of themselves first or carve out a life. No child should have to grow up being the object of their mother’s resentment… Do whatever you need to do to feel healthy, mentally and physically.

    Thanks for writing this. It’s a refreshing change from the mother-as-martyr articles that are so common (and guilt-inducing). “Selfish” mothers unite 😀

  6. Also, this reminds me of something I read a few years ago and it’s an image that has stuck with me: the mother should be like a planet, with the children as little moons orbiting around her. Not. vice versa 😊

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