The things I never appreciated before children.

The things I never appreciated before children.

Becoming a parent is a whole new world of emotions and it doesn’t matter how prepared you are you have no idea until you’re deep in nappys. Going back over my time hop app from six years ago I seemed to loved to update people on how tired, skint or ill I was. Obviously this was before children and I had no idea what those things actually meant. So many mum friends told me to enjoy the date nights and sleep, but I just shrugged it off and thought it wouldn’t be so bad.

The day to day tiredness of being a mum is relentless, but when you have a newborn who is up all night or a three year old who gets in your bed and fidgets all night it is beyond exhausting. The fact you can’t just call in sick and that you still no matter how tired you are have to get up and look after the needs of another human that relies on you is relentless. I now understand why sleep deprivation is a form of torture and that you can cry just because you are so tired. The days of a decent lay in and naturally waking up are long gone and something I miss terribly. I have been a mother for four years now and will never be or become a morning person. As much as I do love waking up to Miss J snuggling into me I do miss waking up, checking the time and just rolling back over to sleep. I just never appreciated how good it was whilst I still had it.

Being able to make spontaneous plans to go out for dinner, a weekend away or even a trip to tesco are long gone. The planning and packing to get out are enough to put you off even making the effort and don’t get me started on how to plan the logistics of a date night with work shifts, childcare etc. It’s true though as much as I made the most of this whilst pregnant I didn’t miss it until it was gone.

Hangover days are just not quite the same anymore. I have tried many a time to plan a night out where I get some hangover time on my own the next day without any luck. Gone are the days of Hollyoaks omnibus, eating junk food and staying in bed all day and now I spend the days watching Minions on repeat whilst letting my children eat anything they like so I can get five minutes peace. No hangover in my early twenties has been as bad as one since I’ve had kids.

I now look back at before I had children and wonder what I did with all that free time and I remember the moments of loneliness. I remember the emptiness of another night out going to the same places and seeing the same people. I remember how my life didn’t seem to have a purpose and that something was always missing. I used to look at families and get a pang of jealously and hoped and wished for the day that I could start my own family. I know not everyone needs or wants for children, but for me it’s all I’ve ever planned out for myself. Becoming a mother has been the hardest job in the world, but the reward from it has been tremendous. My children are my life and that’s how it will always stay.

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The lonely mother and the working husband. 

I try and remind myself how lucky I am to not have a husband that works away for long periods of times, but I still feel so sad over the fact I don’t see my husband. He isn’t married to his job because of
the love of it or the social aspect of it; he is married to his job because of the financial side of it. My husband works any day extra possible so we can afford that I only work three days a week and can be with our children. I love the fact I can work part-time
and be there to watch my children grow up, but it is such a lonely place at times. My husband works twelve hour shifts and regularly extra 70 hours overtime in a month.

It can be hard as when he does have a rare day off I’m desperate to see him and spend time as a family, but I am also desperate to get out the house myself and have some time without kids. My poor husband
hardly gets any time to himself in the evening and rarely has the energy to go out in an evening. He is working so hard so we can have a lovely Christmas and hopefully a nice holiday, but the sad thing is that he isn’t even at home this Christmas as he has
to work.

Whilst on maternity last year and when my postnatal depression was really bad my husband had no option but to work overtime so I didn’t have to go back to work early. It was a difficult time made more difficult
by being alone when I couldn’t cope, but we had no other option. I know they say money doesn’t buy happiness but it sure could make life a bit easier. I really regret that I look back on maternity leave as one of my worst years of my life when it should have
been one of the best and my husband sacrificed so much so I could be at home. 

I know a lot of us mums are in similar circumstances and it must be even harder if you are a single parent. We must not forget that being a mum can be a very lonely place and that is nothing to be ashamed
of. We will carry on and plan our days around play dates and toddler groups and thank the lord for our mummy friends who are in the exact same position. I personally couldn’t be without my mummy friends, mum Facebook groups for a chat and a rant and my other mummy bloggers
who remind me that we are not alone in this world. This situation right now is only temporary and one day it will change and we will have our husbands back, the children will have grown up and we will be desperate to be back sitting in that nursing chair desperately trying to soothe our babies back to sleep. 

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