The things I never appreciated before children.
Becoming a parent is a whole new world of emotions and it doesn’t matter how prepared you are you have no idea until you’re deep in nappys. Going back over my time hop app from six years ago I seemed to loved to update people on how tired, skint or ill I was. Obviously this was before children and I had no idea what those things actually meant. So many mum friends told me to enjoy the date nights and sleep, but I just shrugged it off and thought it wouldn’t be so bad.
The day to day tiredness of being a mum is relentless, but when you have a newborn who is up all night or a three year old who gets in your bed and fidgets all night it is beyond exhausting. The fact you can’t just call in sick and that you still no matter how tired you are have to get up and look after the needs of another human that relies on you is relentless. I now understand why sleep deprivation is a form of torture and that you can cry just because you are so tired. The days of a decent lay in and naturally waking up are long gone and something I miss terribly. I have been a mother for four years now and will never be or become a morning person. As much as I do love waking up to Miss J snuggling into me I do miss waking up, checking the time and just rolling back over to sleep. I just never appreciated how good it was whilst I still had it.
Being able to make spontaneous plans to go out for dinner, a weekend away or even a trip to tesco are long gone. The planning and packing to get out are enough to put you off even making the effort and don’t get me started on how to plan the logistics of a date night with work shifts, childcare etc. It’s true though as much as I made the most of this whilst pregnant I didn’t miss it until it was gone.
Hangover days are just not quite the same anymore. I have tried many a time to plan a night out where I get some hangover time on my own the next day without any luck. Gone are the days of Hollyoaks omnibus, eating junk food and staying in bed all day and now I spend the days watching Minions on repeat whilst letting my children eat anything they like so I can get five minutes peace. No hangover in my early twenties has been as bad as one since I’ve had kids.
I now look back at before I had children and wonder what I did with all that free time and I remember the moments of loneliness. I remember the emptiness of another night out going to the same places and seeing the same people. I remember how my life didn’t seem to have a purpose and that something was always missing. I used to look at families and get a pang of jealously and hoped and wished for the day that I could start my own family. I know not everyone needs or wants for children, but for me it’s all I’ve ever planned out for myself. Becoming a mother has been the hardest job in the world, but the reward from it has been tremendous. My children are my life and that’s how it will always stay.