Advice I would have given my first time pregnant self.

I was so scared about the possibilities of bringing a child into this world and how I would cope as a parent. What kind mum did I want to be? How would I parent? Would I try and breastfeed? I found all the information from parenting books, NCT antenatal groups and other people’s advice overwhelming and confusing. I wanted to be the best mum I could be, but I was unsure what that actually was?

I wish I could have told myself to just follow my instincts and that if something didn’t feel right then to just try something else. Whichever way I turned I was made to feel like a failure as a mother especially by Health visitors. I was told I shouldn’t give my daughter a dummy as she would refuse my breast and when I gave in and gave a bottle of formula when I was still waiting for my milk to come in and my nipple were bleeding that I had failed and wouldn’t be able to get back to breastfeeding. I spent so much time crying and made to feel like I had given up already, but I was lucky enough to have a supportive mother who reassured me and gave me the support to keep going, if it wasn’t for her I would have given up a week in.

I started to go to baby groups as soon as my husband went back to work and felt so overwhelmed with the competition with who’s baby had smiled first or slept through the night. I was one of the youngest mums going to the groups and felt bit out of place whilst they talked about their new BMWs and recently renovated kitchens, whilst I was driving a 3 door Fiesta living in a rented two bedroom terraced. I felt our world’s were apart and was unsure how I could make friends with these women when all we had in common was a baby. The truth is I did make friends with some of these women and the support and help they have given me over the years have been invaluable.
Something that took me a long time to realise was that us first time mums are all as clueless as each other and just trying our bests to be good mums, just some are better at pretending they have their shit together than others. We’ve all been out with a baby who won’t stop screaming no matter what we have tried, we have all done stuff and felt judged for it whether that is breast feeding in public, formula feeding or giving a dummy, but at the end of the day we have done what is best for us and our babies and what we needed to do to get through the day.

I have been a loving mummy, a patient mummy, a happy mummy, a yummy mummy, a shoutty mummy, a grumpy mummy, a sick in my hair mummy, a crying mummy, a lost her shit mummy, but most of all I have been a muddled mummy and that is fine with me.


16 thoughts to “Advice I would have given my first time pregnant self.”

  1. Thank you for sharing. I felt the same when I had my daughter. I didn’t have a clue what I was doing and I had to have an emergency c section so was in hospital for a couple of days after the baby was born, so as far as I was aware, the advice I was getting from the midwives was right. Turns out it wasn’t and I should have listened to my instincts. I’ll know for next time to do what is best for myself and the baby. I have always felt the same at baby groups too, like everyone was a much better mummy. But eventually I had to realise that we do what is best for us.

    1. It’s such a tough time and I found I really had to take my time and find myself to become confident in my choices. Having a second has been hard, but I love how the pressure on myself was taken off.

  2. Really enjoyed reading this post as this is how I currently feel being a new mum, I am only just starting to find my feet and become more sure of myself as a mum.

  3. Motherhood is not easy and there is this idea of a near perfect mother. Everyone has an opinion it seems on what is good and what is bad but actually it is our own journey. One where we need to discover how to be a mother to our child in our own way. the pressure can feel intense can’t it. It is why I decided to interview lots of mothers and write my first book, because it is tough being a new mum. Great post. #brilliantblogposts

  4. It is difficult at first. I always used to worry that I was seen as one of the all together mums… I was just learning too! It’s that realisation of this that ends up being key! Thanks for linking up to #familyfun

  5. Ah this is great. Being a first time mum is hard and such an eye opener. I think the judgement and constant comprisions to other mums and their kids makes things even harder but you’re right it’s own race. Or instincts and what is right for you and family is the best bit of advice, don’t compare yourself to others. Thank you for sharing this with us at #familyfun xx

  6. This is such a great post that is so true. I’m lucky enough to not have felt judgement but I really had no idea that there was no such thing as the perfect mum and I was aiming for something basically impossible. All we can do is try our hardest and at the end of the days that is really what our children will remember 🙂 #thatfridaylinky

  7. Love this post. A new baby is overwhelming enough, let alone all the well-meant advice! Totally agree on the baby groups, you get thrown together because of your babies and it can seem that everyones lives are polar opposites but deep down we’re almost all going through the same!

  8. It’s funny how looking back we can think of these things. I was pretty naive when pregnant and had all of these idealised images and scenarios in my head which were so far from the truth! Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky

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