A mothers unconditional love for her baby

The day I met you, my darling baby, everything changed. I would never be able to just think about me anymore as my actions would directly affect you. I will be the role model to you and I will be the first person in this world that will show you what love is. There has never been anyone like you in my world before and I still can’t believe how instantly I fell in love with you. When someone says they don’t believe in love at first sight they must not have been lucky enough to become a parent like me.

I will never forget the way you smelt as you were laid on my chest for the first time. I felt exhausted, relieved , overwhelming emotions of love and fear of how I was now responsible for this tiny person for the rest of my life. From that day I became a mother which is something I will cherish dearly until my dying day. I had to learn quickly how to wash a baby, dress a baby and how to feed, which was hard to begin with and nothing like when I had played with dolls as a child. You needed me and were relentless with your needs, but I sacrificed it all as I wanted to do it all for you.

I cherished my time feeding you, taking you for walks and rocking you to sleep, as you are not just my child, but also my friend. I would sometimes get you out of your cot, still asleep and sit with you in a chair rocking you and stroking your face, desperately trying to remember the way you felt in my arms. You soon grew, much quicker than I had anticipated and were soon toddling around my house, causing destruction. We started going for walks to the park, just us two, to feed the ducks and I can honestly say I was so happy in your company. We spent many a day cuddled on the sofa, playing dolls and painting together, then the day came where you had to leave me.

You ran off without a second look back through your classroom doors and began a life away from me. I wasn’t there all day to help, guide or teach you right from wrong and I missed you terribly. I still had your baby brother at home, but I missed having my darling little girl with me. When I collect you from school my heart fills with love and I’m so happy to hear your stories and what you have learnt today, but I’m secretly jealous that someone else gets you. I loved the day you told me about the dinosaurs and how they were ‘stinct’ and then asked if I knew any of them.

The days we have together are not as often now and when I reach for your hand to hold, you soon let go to be free, ready to explore the world on your own. I know at bedtime no one does bedtime stories as well as me and that you will make any excuse to keep me in your bed just one more minuet longer. I will hold you as long as you let me, kiss you on the forehead, stroke your hair and breath you in. You will never stop being my little girl and the promises I made to you when you were born will be forever. You are my love, my darling, my baby and I will be with you forever.

 

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The lonely mother and the working husband. 

I try and remind myself how lucky I am to not have a husband that works away for long periods of times, but I still feel so sad over the fact I don’t see my husband. He isn’t married to his job because of
the love of it or the social aspect of it; he is married to his job because of the financial side of it. My husband works any day extra possible so we can afford that I only work three days a week and can be with our children. I love the fact I can work part-time
and be there to watch my children grow up, but it is such a lonely place at times. My husband works twelve hour shifts and regularly extra 70 hours overtime in a month.

It can be hard as when he does have a rare day off I’m desperate to see him and spend time as a family, but I am also desperate to get out the house myself and have some time without kids. My poor husband
hardly gets any time to himself in the evening and rarely has the energy to go out in an evening. He is working so hard so we can have a lovely Christmas and hopefully a nice holiday, but the sad thing is that he isn’t even at home this Christmas as he has
to work.

Whilst on maternity last year and when my postnatal depression was really bad my husband had no option but to work overtime so I didn’t have to go back to work early. It was a difficult time made more difficult
by being alone when I couldn’t cope, but we had no other option. I know they say money doesn’t buy happiness but it sure could make life a bit easier. I really regret that I look back on maternity leave as one of my worst years of my life when it should have
been one of the best and my husband sacrificed so much so I could be at home. 

I know a lot of us mums are in similar circumstances and it must be even harder if you are a single parent. We must not forget that being a mum can be a very lonely place and that is nothing to be ashamed
of. We will carry on and plan our days around play dates and toddler groups and thank the lord for our mummy friends who are in the exact same position. I personally couldn’t be without my mummy friends, mum Facebook groups for a chat and a rant and my other mummy bloggers
who remind me that we are not alone in this world. This situation right now is only temporary and one day it will change and we will have our husbands back, the children will have grown up and we will be desperate to be back sitting in that nursing chair desperately trying to soothe our babies back to sleep. 

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