What I envisioned and what I am as a parent are two very different things. I had so many plans as a first time mum and did well sticking to what I wanted to do, but when my second baby came along things became very different. Miss J was such a text book baby and things went smoothly from breastfeeding, to routines and discipline. Mr T was a completely different baby and I was naïve to think I would just sail through it without any kind of issues. I think if Mr T would have been born first I would have coped better as when you have your first I found I got so much support, advice and help, but when the second comes around people just expect you to get on with it and know what you are doing.
I’ll happily admit it now that when Mr T came into this world I had no blooming clue what I was supposed to be doing. With babies one size does not fit all and when you have a second baby or third you need more support than ever as not only do you need to sort this baby out who follows its own set of rules, you also have to sort out another child that will rebel over this new little dictator, who has come in, stolen their mum and messed up everything for them. This is the stuff the baby books leave out, not that you would have a spare second to read a baby book with a second baby.
Why did no one tell me the struggles of breastfeeding one baby whilst wiping the bottom of another? Why did no one tell me how to keep a three year old quiet whilst settling a baby to sleep? Why did no one tell me that the babies nap times would always coincide with when I have to leave the house for the pre-school run? Why did no one tell me how hard it would be get baby weighed at the Children’s Centre with a three year old in tow? Why did no one tell me how hard it was to take a three year old and baby to do the food shop whilst sitting next to each other in the trolley? Why did no one tell me that my child would always want food when I had just settled down to feed my baby its milk? Why did no one tell me that my three year old would no longer
want to walk anywhere when I have the baby in the pushchair? Why did no one tell me that my child wouldn’t instantly bond with her new baby sibling? Why did no one tell me about the mummy guilt I felt as I was unable to fulfil both their needs? Why did no one tell me that you can get PND with a second baby when you didn’t have it before? Why did no one tell me that my heart would expand enough to love two children equally? Why did no one tell me that I would ditch the rule book and not care anymore about routines?
Why did know one tell me that they would eventually bond and my heart would burst? Why did know one tell me the mummy guilt would ease when I understood that I did everything I could? Why did no one tell me that I had given my children the best gift in the world, which was each other?
I made it through and so will you. 18 months down to a mum of two for the rest of my life and I wouldn’t change a thing.
It has been nice following this .and in good detail about real life mum’s well done I am sure a lot of mum’s can relate to all you have written….and relive they were not alone.
Thank you Carole.
I know my daughter felt totally out of her depth with number 5, as the twins were still only 2 and trying to keep them safe, fed and entertained while trying to BREAST feed a new born threw up all sorts of challenges for her. ( sorry for caps lock but for some strange reason will not allow me to type in anything else, my caps lock button is not on)
Wow 5! I would love another baby, but not sure how I would cope. X
Just blogged about the same thing and read your post nodding along in agreement!! So, so different and exhausting second time around, glad it’s not just me! Xx
I’m just going to have a read. It’s beyond exhausting x
Way cool! Some extremely valid points! I appreciate you
penning this post and also the rest of the website is very
good.
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Thank you Amy
I’m on my first now, but he’s been so well behaved that I’m afraid to have another! You don’t get that lucky twice.
Thanks for sharing this perspective. You are helping all of us first time moms to know what to expect. 🙂
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It’s tough but as they do get older it does become easier.
For me the jump from one to two was harder than going from two to four in about thirty seconds!
Thanks for linking up to globalblogging
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That’s reassuring to know if I do have another.
Ben is so well behaved that we’re quite worried about having another. Plus Hubby loved the three of us so I have alot of work to get my way of having another! #globalblogging
Now the second is getting older it has become so much easier than it was.
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