All I see everywhere I look is women being judged and it’s time we start supporting each other. I know this subject has been touched on many a time, but unless we keep talking about it things will never changed. I do think things have improved and I know myself, especially after postnatal depression I try to be much kinder to myself and not judge others. You never know what someone else is going through at home or why they have decided to make a certain choice.
As a woman you feel you are being judged no matter what you do. If you decide to not have children apparently you will regret it or you’re selfish, I personally couldn’t imagine not having children, but people are wired differently and neither is wrong. If you run a succesful business, often you at looked down upon by other women and men like its something you shouldn’t be doing, when you deserve support and ‘well done’. If you are too outspoken you are still often hushed and looked at as if your opinion doesn’t count. Many times a man has tried to silence me and has tried to make me feel I shouldn’t have an opinion on something. One thing you will never silence me on is my OWN opinion.
Since being a teenager myself I have noticed how a woman who has had a few sexual partners is seen as a ‘slag’, whilst a man is known as a ‘stud’. I’ve seen many a woman shamed not only by men, but also women. How can having sex with someone if you are a man or a woman be seen as such different things depending on your gender. If it’s from two consenting adults and its safe, why does it matter? Why shame someone for having fun, you should be supporting them and letting them embrace it.
Still we are shamed by our sizes, if we are too fat or too small, if our breasts are too small or too saggy. You only have to look through any comments on a celebrity newspaper article and see how women are shamed in such a derogatory way by their physical appearance and often it’s by other women. I for one have been called fat a few times over the years in arguments with men and it has upset me, this was before children when I was a size 12. I’m bigger than a 12 now and not skinny, which I doubt I ever will be, because of my love of cheese. I am not 100% happy with my figure and am trying to get healthier and lose weight but that still gives no one the right to make me feel ashamed in any way.
If you do decide to enter the world of motherhood you soon realise how ugly things can get. You are made to feel ashamed if you didn’t or failed to breastfed or you breastfeed an 18 month old still. You are judged for putting a baby in its own room from the start or for bed sharing. You decide to give up work, to be a stay at home mum, which means your lazy (hats of to SAHM’s I couldn’t do it), or you decide to go back full time, which makes you a selfish mother. I have felt judged so many times , but I also know I have judged too, especially when I was a first time mother and thought I knew everything, but now I try to be as supporting as I can as I know these decisions have not been easily made.
I am determined as I’m sure many other mum’s are to raise my children to know that it is never kind to judge someone else. My children are being taught to be kind, not judge, support and respect others. Everything we have been taught and all behaviour we have learned and can be unlearned. We can be more conscious of our thoughts and challenge them.
Postnatal depression has taught me to a better person and to own my own decisions I make. I sit my children in front of the TV or tablet far too often, my house is mostly messy, my children are fed chicken nuggets at least twice a week, but I am working hard to be their mum. I love them, read to them, spend as much time as I can with them, I feed them, clothe them and I work for them because I have to. I do my best and I am trying to be a good role model for them. I’m not a fantastic mother and I never will be, but one thing I have learnt is to be a realistic mother. Lets keep supporting each other., this being a woman thing is tough.