not fitting into motherhood but letting it fit in with me

Not fitting into motherhood, but letting it fit in with me

As a young girl all I wanted was to become a mother. I had these dreams of how I would embrace motherhood and become this perfect little mummy and house wife to my little family. When I was carrying Miss J I looked up to my own mother, looked at what the latest trends were for changing bags and pushchairs, I read countless articles and aspired to be this perfect mummy that I had imagined in my head.

I tried this motherhood on managed to get it work for the most part. I was pretty good at it and had a child growing up to be the most perfect little girl. When baby number 2 was cooking things started to get a bit messy. I wasn’t so good at getting out, doing the toddler groups, I didn’t have the energy to dress you up perfectly coordinated, I didn’t have time to do all the messy play and baking cakes. Things started to unravel when Mr T arrived into this big wide world and I had a big shock of what it was to look after two small humans.

The realisation of postnatal depression arrived and exposed me like nothing had before. I was feeling, weak, lonely and empty inside and I was no longer the mother I wanted to be. I beat myself up for failing my children and made myself  feel so guilty. I wasn’t fitting into motherhood anymore and I wasn’t sure how to do it again. Things eventually came to a head and I couldn’t look after either of my children in the way they needed.

I had to take a step back and start focusing on myself. I read self-help books, took medication and I got help. Eventually I started to rebuild myself again, but I still wasn’t fitting into motherhood like I did before. My perception had changed and I realised that the mother I was trying to be before wasn’t me.

One day things just clicked, I was a little older, a smidge wiser and a tad more confident. I realised that I didn’t need to fit into motherhood and it needed to fit into me. Why should I pretend to be someone I wasn’t, just to please others and why did I feel I had to do things in a certain way so others didn’t judge.

Things have changed and I’m now a happy mother, which I can now positively say that I’m telling the truth. Mummy now takes more time for herself and she doesn’t try to impress others or care for their opinions. My children are none the wiser and are just happy to see that I am happy. It took some time, but I learnt to own motherhood and make it my own. Don’t ever be anyone, but yourself.

 

 

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33 thoughts on “Not fitting into motherhood, but letting it fit in with me

  1. A good lesson to learn I think. I had never planned to become a mother, but I did, and I feel like a lot of my friends who had planned it ever since they were young found it more difficult than expected. I guess for me, I had never imagined myself as a mother, so I didn’t have all these ideas in my head as to how it was supposed to be. That said, I had to deal very much with letting go of the “child-free” dreams I had for my future, and the process of letting that go and accepting what my life now was. I also didn’t have to deal with post-partum depression as you have. I’m so glad you’ve been able to push past that and find the joy in the “real life” adventures of being a mum.

  2. Such a good lesson to learn. There are days when motherhood and I don’t agree and Im like what was I thinking but the good days, the hugs and kisses make it all worth it.

  3. Omygosh I can really relate to this. I’ve been beating myself up for weeks not having been getting out to mum & baby groups, and co-ordinating outfits? I’ve been raiding my husband’s sock drawer for 3 days now! So glad you can honestly say you are a happy mum now. What a gift to your children. Well done. #dreamandsparkle

  4. It is so easy to get wrapped up in being how we think a mummy should be. We read too many articles and listen to others too much. We forget that the being relaxed and happy with our children, taking life day by day helps us be the best mummy 🙂 #postsfromtheheart

  5. Great post. I too am guilty of doing all the pre-planning for what I thought it would be like and then when it isn’t, I found myself getting further and further into a mess. It’s important to take time out for us, without that how can we be expected to be great parents! #postsfromtheheart
    Devon Mama recently posted…When Parenting Becomes A CompetitionMy Profile

  6. There is so much unnecessary pressure these days to be a certain ‘type’ of mother – if you love, care and cherish then that is all that matters. #postsfromtheheart

  7. Thank you so much for joining this incredible post up to #PostsFromTheHeart it is so important. We spend so long thinking at trying to be the us we think we should be or the us that others think we should be that we so often forget who we are. We all need this reminder in our life that it’s ok to do Motherhood in our own way, there isn’t one set way, a right way or a wrong way. I am so glad you have found your way. Number Two definitely brings a new perspective and we’re still working on finding our way here, but I know in time we will find it.

  8. We are so good at putting pressure on ourselves. I struggle with comparing myself to others which can really lead to feeling like you’re failing. It sounds like you’re doing really well which is great to read. #DreamandSparkle
    Kat recently posted…I HopeMy Profile

  9. Thank you for sharing. Having 1 child flipped my world upside down but having 2 caused it to blow up.I did suffer a form of PND after having Charley but it was very mild and i had lots of support. I think i was putting too much pressure on myself to be perfect.#PostsFromTheHeart

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