I have failed to succeed at a few things over my years and always had feelings of inadequacy. I’ve never felt quiet good enough at anything I had done, whether it was sport, education and then later on my work. Something I always thought I would succeed at was being a mother and when I got postnatal depression I was very self-critical and hard on myself as I saw myself as a complete failure with something I was so determined to be good at. It has been a long road, but eventually I realised that those feelings were making the postnatal depression worse by giving it ammunition.
At school I was always too scared to say when I didn’t understand something and wouldn’t raise my hand for help. I went through school doing the minimum to get by and felt a bit lost. I always felt I was living in the shadow of my older sister, she was intelligent, everything seemed to come natural to her and I felt my parents did forget the younger, not so intelligent child at times. I know this wasn’t on purpose and something they may have never noticed, but it’s how I always felt. I left school with average GCSE grades and decided to embark on a Holistic Therapies course after I was told A-levels were not the right fit for me. I did a year of Holistic Therapies, but knew it wasn’t something I wanted to pursue as a career and once I lacked motivation, I quickly started to fall behind on the work. I decided my next step was to go into full-time work in an office and although I liked the people I worked with and having a wage, I didn’t enjoy the job and found it rather dull. 18 months in I had a change of heart and decided that I was to go back to college to do an access course to university. Going from a full-time wage to a part-time waitress wage was a struggle and I found that the easy option was to throw it all in and admit defeat when I was only three months into the course.
After a few full time jobs in various different roles and a trip to Australia, I finally found something I enjoyed and almost 8 years on and two children I am still working there today. I now work for a food gifting company in the Technical department and have a very varied job. I’ve been able to complete some great courses and the team I work with are brilliant. However much I do enjoy my job (for the most part) I still felt like I was missing something and needed a creative outlet.
I still felt like I needed somewhere to express myself and do something for me so I started blogging to help me through my battle with postnatal depression. I didn’t realise at the time that I found something I had missed for many years, which was writing. I had always been passionate about writing at school, but when I would hand in a piece of work to a teacher I would have it returned covered in red pen, full with spelling mistakes and grammar issues. I’m still struggling with both of these things, but it is something I am focusing getting better at.
Blogging has given me time to do something for myself again and an outlet. I have received praise, done guest posts for other fantastic bloggers and have some exciting opportunities lined up, that will be challenging and exciting for me and something that I would have never had the confidence to do six months ago. I am no longer scared to succeed and I am happy to except what I deserve. My work is by no means fantastic, but it is honest and I have put my heart and so many hours into it. It has been a labour of love.
I am taking risks in my life and putting myself out there and hopefully it will pay off. I will not let being afraid stop me having the chance to succeed at something I enjoy. I will not let the fear stop me from achieving my goals and if I fall or if it doesn’t work at least I can say I tried.
Oh Michelle, this is such a brace thing to write about but luckily with a positive ending. I can relate to most of this. I’ve always been afraid of succeeding. I was never that good at English and never even contemplated writing. So well done and carry on achieving x
Thank you lovely. x
I’m so glad you’ve found something that you enjoy doing and obviously are good at! I started my blog in search of a creative outlet and to overcome PND too so I understand a lot of where you’re coming from. Good luck in the coming months xx
Thank you Katie. It’s suprising how many people have started to blog to help through PND x
I felt exactly the same way when I had PND when my little girl was born.
My blog is a bit like therapy for me 😊
My blog has been the best type of therapy for me 🙂 x
It’s a beautiful post and keep up the writing.
Thank you x
Glad you found your outlet, blogging is mine too. Keep doing it #thatfridaylinky
Thank you x
Writing is so therapeutic. It’s a great way to get something off your chest. I’m glad your blog is an outlet for you. Thanks for linking up to #ThatFridayLinky
Thanks Emily x
Wonderful post, we all suffer from feeling scared (I’ve written posts before on how to overcome the fear) and will be covering it in my book too. It’s vital to accept doing new things and putting yourself out there will be scary but that it mustn’t stop you. Congrats on everything x
I’m trying to learn to say ‘yes’ to things that I wouldn’t usually. I want to get out my comfort zone and try new things x
A brave post indeed, and I hope that you make a real success as a blogger. It’s such a lovely hobby because you can just do it as and when and it makes something lovely to look back on. I look forward to reading a lot more
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Thank you Debbie
This is brilliant and I totally get where you are coming from. I did manage university but don’t feel I’ve ever really succeeded at much until now! Keep up the good work and thanks for linking up to #familyfun
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Thank you. I finally feeling like i’m getting something out of life that I actually enjoy x
Brilliant that you’ve found something you enjoy and get benefits from. You’re very good at it too, which is always a bonus!
Thank you x
I too have found blogging to be super inclusive and something that everyone can flourish in their own way! Its a really great sphere to be part of <3 #brilliantblogposts
It really is amazing. I love the blogging community
Great how writing a blog can be so therapeutic it is for me Thanks for linking to the #THAT FRIDAY LINKY come back next week please
Thank you 🙂
Aaah you’re doing brilliantly. It can take a lot to write as openly and honestly as you do and I have huge respect for you for doing it. I am glad you have found something that works for you, keep going you’re doing amazingly. Thanks for joining us at #familyfun
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Thank you for such a kind and lovely comment. You’ll make me blush x
Blogging is very therapeutic and only partly because of the ability it gives you to express yourself, it also connects you to others in a very special way #familyfun
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Blogging is extremely cathartic. If it’s something you enjoy you should definitely stick at it!
#MarvMondays
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Brave post! Keep on writing and good luck with your path forward. #globalblogging
Thank you x
It sounds like you have found the perfect creative outlet. It’s always hard fighting the self-doubt but keep on enjoying it and blog on. I think the main ingredient for a blog is “heart” and you’re putting plenty of that in <3
#DreamTeam
Thank you x
Blogging is very therapeutic isn’t it, it’s an excellent creative outlet. I think you write beautifully. Thanks for linking up this week with #fortheloveofBLOG
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Thank you 🙂
oh I so relate to this, I was aways scared of failure, and never felt good enough. Blowing opened up something in me, a belief I thought I’d never find. My blog is now all about being ourselves an living authentically. I am so thrilled you have fund your voice through blogging too xx Sending good vibes your way! #gloablblogging
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Isn’t it amazing how blogging has changed so many people’s lives? Opened a door to healing and brought about a feeling of achievement! Congratulations on all that you have achieved, wishing you all the best! Thank you for sharing your story with us! #globalblogging
Thank you. It’s changed my life x
PND is such a soul destroying condition, and it hits us just at a point where our own expectations on ourselves are sky high as we are so instinctively determined to try and be perfect mothers. I’m so pleased that you have found an outlet and strength from writing and I have no doubt that your words will support and soothe so many other mums out there struggling with the same challenges. Thank you so much for sharing this with #DreamTeam x
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