Britmums live and finding my voice again

Britmums live and finding my voice again

It’s been a tough few months to say the least, with breakdown of my marriage and figuring out life as single mother two. I’ve felt unable to have a voice and in truth I have noticed the effect it has been having on my mental wellbeing by bottling things up and not having an outlet. I am starting counselling again to try to work through my thought process and I am still completing my online course in a Cognitive Behaviour Therapy Diploma. I am re-focusing my energy, trying to stay away from negativity and focusing on being a better person for myself and my children. I know I am not perfect and I have made mistakes, but I am trying to move forward and learn from this experience.

Last week I attended Britmums Live for the first time and to be honest the thought of going did fill me full of anxiety. If I would have had a choice I probably would have pulled out, but some how I managed to put my anxiety aside and get on with it, with the support of someone special to me and a much-needed lift into London.

I was excited about the workshops where I could improve on my blog and it’s safe to say it didn’t disappoint and I got so much out of it. It helped me realise that I needed to find my voice again and also look at a new direction for my blog. Mental health has been a huge part of my blog in the last year, but it’s something I want to expand on and also branch out from in some way. It’s a work in progress and a plan of action is underway.

The best bit about Britmums for me was connecting with some of my favourite bloggers including meeting the lovely Vicki from Honest Mum for the second time this year. Vicki just has it, she has confidence, she’s engaging and she actually wants to communicate with everyone. I was also lucky enough to meet the amazing Susi from So Happy In Town (SHIT) and we instantly hit it off, this lady has done so much with her blog in such a short space of time is certainly one to watch out for. Kirsty from the amazing blog Winnettes was so sweet and as bubbly in person as you would expect from her lovely blog.

Britmums
Just some of the lovely ladies I met on the day.

Britmums was worth the visit and something I plan to go back to next year for the whole day and evening, to get as much as possible out of it. It’s helped me re-focus on my blog and find my voice again and connect with some lovely inspiring ladies. I even managed the underground and train home on my own, which for me with little to no sense of direction is a huge achievement in itself.

Here is to the future of The Muddled Mother.

 

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinrssinstagram
Six months into blogging - Where am I now?

Six months into blogging – Where am I now?

The Muddled Mother is officially six months old today and these last six months have been a bit of a rollercoaster. I started my blog initially as a way to just write down what I was feeling and to try and make sense of it all through my battle with postnatal depression. I honestly had never thought about blogging before or really even read any other blogs myself. I thought of myself as pretty basic with my writing skills and knew I was pretty useless with my grammar and spelling (I’m sorry, I am trying). After publishing my first post I was actually shocked it was getting read and even commented on and decided to show a couple of my closest friends. The feedback I was getting was so overwhelming, positive and I actually felt good about myself for the first time in a long time. I got brave and decided to write a couple more posts and then decided to go public over Facebook. It was a huge leap for me to be so open and honest about my struggles, but I felt comfort that people could resonate with how I was feeling and I got plenty of messages from old friends, new friends and strangers who pushed me to become open about my struggles.

Blogging has been tough for me as it has left me rather exposed and has made me delve deeper into my own mind, this has left me emotionally exhausted at times and has caused me to have a couple of breakdowns and being put under hospital care. I have faced it all now and finally have the tools in place to get better. I have had problems with my mental health since my teenage years and writing about it has helped me open up and not supress these emotions. I think my postnatal depression was basically everything I had supressed for years finally exploding and I had to finally deal with it.

In January after another breakdown and visit to hospital I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. To have this mental illness labelled on me was pretty scary and something I knew nothing about, but with time, reading and understanding I have accepted it. The diagnoses does actually make sense to me and I am learning skills to deal with it, so I can make my life easier. I am optimistic about the future and have decided my mental illness with not define me.

These last six months I have learnt so much about myself, the good and the bad. I have a new found respect for anyone dealing with mental illness and have become much more open minded. I’m pretty happy with the person I am becoming and plan to continue working in a positive way to help lift the stigma around mental illness.

So six months in and I now have a DA score of 20 (this won’t mean much unless you are a blogger), which I am so happy with. I’m around 715 in Tots 100 as of last month and I have over 3000 followers across social media. I am happy with these stats, but I still have plenty to improve on. I try and average out 2 blog posts a week plus one review, which I find doable and not too stressful. If I don’t want to write for a few days or a want a week off then I do. I am starting to do reviews which I really love doing as it’s part of one of my skills in my proper job and to get paid to do it is always a massive bonus.

The next six months I have many other plans for my job and will hopefully starting the tax year with a self-employed income. I will continue writing about mental illness, my struggles, parenting and hopefully a few more recipes (one of my other skills from my work). I am still considering possibly doing a little bit of vlogging toy reviews with Miss J.

Thank you everyone who has taken the time to read my blog, comment and share. Your support, kindness and understanding has meant so much to me. Here is to the next six months!

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinrssinstagram

Blogging – my therapy

I feel like in these short 8 weeks I have achieved more than I have since leaving school. Not only has this blog been my therapy it has been my salvation. I started this blog to purely write down how I felt about things and after some encouragement from friends I decided to make it public. Just two months ago my self-esteem was at its lowest it had ever been. I was still battling PND, anxiety and my confidence was rock bottom. I’ve not been magically cured over night, but I feel so much better in myself and can now see light at the end of the tunnel.

Since I can remember I’ve always had a habit of starting something, but when things get too hard I throw it all in, but for the first time in my adult life I have done something that I have loved and carried on past the first hurdle. I believe I still have so much more I can do with this blog and plan to keep going as long as I have an audience.

Two weeks ago I faced my biggest challenge and decided to go from my wordpress.com blogging platform and become self-hosted, I used https://www.tsohost.com/ who have been amazingly supportive and helpful. I was out of my depth completely and spent many an hour googling and reading eBooks on how to achieve what I had in mind. I have had to learn about widgets, plugins and SEO’s and if I’m honest I’m still not sure, but I am enjoying learning.

I have made something that is my own, my own little space in cyber space where I can write about anything I like. I love that I can do something for just me and have time out from just being mum, even if my biggest inspiration and topic is about being mum. When my head is filled with ideas on what to write and I am desperate to get them typed out, I feel like a child again writing a story where I am excited to find out how it will end. Having a creative outlet is so fulfilling and rewarding and something I recommend.  I don’t know what’s next for me, but in this moment in time I’m enjoying the ride and plan to carry on. I want to thank my friends for their words of encouragement, new blogger friends for their advice, followers for comments and re-shares. I appreciate you all and giving me a massive confidence boost when I’ve needed it most. Thank you.

 

Facebooktwitterpinterestlinkedinrssinstagram