Sorry children mummy is leaving, not forever,
but I am leaving for a few days.
You will be with your daddy and we can skype,
but unfortunately I will not be there to tuck you in at night.
Mummy is a little bit exhausted and needs a break from parenting for just a few days.
I won’t be doing anything you enjoy whilst away, actually everything I am doing you really despise.
I will be sleeping lots, reading long books with no pictures,
laying in the sun with a cool pina colada and not moving a muscle as I let my skin bake,
I plan to eat lots of food you definitely will not like and I will be drinking lots of fizz and wine.
There will be no building sandcastles, no inflatable balls, no early mornings and no chicken nuggets, not at all.
I’m sorry children, but mummy just needs some time to herself,
to talk about something besides elf on the shelf.
Mummy doesn’t want to argue with a 4 year old diva or a tantruming terrible twos,
she just wants to get shit faced and placed by the pool.
I love you both dearly and will miss you so much,
but mummy is hoping to find who she once used to be
before all the breastfeeding and pooey nappies.
Before the stretch marks, the bags under the eyes,
mummy once had a twinkle in her eye.
She wore high heels, make up and even a push up bra,
but then she became a bit ga ga.
I hope you behave for your dad and remember he is just as good as me,
he might not make the barbie voices the same,
but you know he’s the best for rough and tumble and games on the wii.
But please children don’t forget about me,
as mummy will be thinking about her little family tree.
Mummy will come back all refreshed and say lot less f’s
and daddy will sure appreciate how much work it can be to run a family.
So here you go daddy,
you now have a story to read the children before bed about
the mummy who ran away to escape to the magical island and dared to bare her tummy.