I’m sorry, that I’m not the woman you married

I’m sorry, that I’m not the woman you married five years ago. I remember the day so clearly, how you looked, how you smiled and the way you looked down at me from the altar. You took me as your wife and I promised to you that I would always be yours which all changed, when not even a year later we became a family. Things had changed for the good and the bad and things would never be the same again.

My stomach now resembled a deflated balloon and breastfeeding had changed the purpose of my now slightly saggy chest. When you left for work you no longer got a kiss and a packed lunch made for you, I almost even resented you that you got to leave this mad house. When you came back home I was relieved, not so I could spend time with you, but so I could finally have ten minuets of peace, hiding upstairs from the insanity in our living room.

Weekends no longer consisted of date nights, shopping and weekends away, but now a juggling act of who was more deserving to get a few hours away from responsibility. We still spend time together, but we are looking after one child each and not interacting. I miss holding your hand whilst we would go for walks together, but now your hand is held by our daughters and my hands push our son in his pram.

We go to bed in same bed, both exhausted and say goodnight and before long we get a little person between us taking up all the space. You snore all night which grates on my nerves and you never replace the toilet roll when you are done, but I still love you.

I’m sorry I’m not the woman you married five years ago, but I’ve become a mother now and I love her even more than the person I was before and I know you love her too. You are no longer the man I married five years ago, you now have a less athletic figure and less hair than you did. The thing is I love that you have wrinkles around your eyes when you smile and I love the bits of grey coming through your beard. I fell in love with your soul when we met and I still see that every time I look into your green eyes.

When I see you throwing our baby boy in the air my heart fills with love and I love how you sit with our daughter and read with her every night. I knew when me met that you would make a fantastic husband and father and you have. When you tell me you love me I know you mean it and when you do hold my hand I know it’s because you want to.

I’m sorry you have been forgotten, but you know I will come back to you one day. We will be that old couple who holds hands for walks down by the river.




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6 thoughts on “I’m sorry, that I’m not the woman you married

  1. This post is sweet. I agree completely with the sentiment. I love my husband completely differently now that we’re raising two lovely daughters. I can’t wait to see what the future holds for us, but sometimes I know it’s hard to “ride the wave” of constant parenting and very little couple time. Great post!
    Jessica Foley recently posted…Book Review: Walk-In InvestigationsMy Profile

  2. Had to comment on this even though it’s so late – I feel like this in lots of ways too and so found this post very emotional. Things change but the relationship remains strong, if not stronger after having our 3 children and all the ups and downs that family life bring. Well done on writing such a powerful and heartfelt post capturing what lots of people feel I’m sure. x #eatsleepblogRT
    Mindful Mummy Mission recently posted…The Blogger Q&A TagMy Profile

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