Why I love CIO – Cuddle it out

If you read my blog you may have noticed that my recent posts have been a bit on the depressive side and you might think that I’m not actually enjoying parenting much right now. I going to write a series of posts on stuff that I love about parenting which I hope will be uplifting for me and you.

The first of the series is about why I love CIO and I don’t mean cry it out, I mean cuddle it out. I’m a firm believer in cuddling babies and not to let them cry it out to sleep. This is a personal choice for me and something I have read a lot into and I think it works best for all of us in our family. I completely respect parents choice to either do cry it out or controlled crying as I know it isn’t a choice you have made lightly and every child and family is different. What works for one doesn’t work for all.

For me when my baby has cried it has been my job to comfort him, I will feed him, cuddle him and let him fall asleep in my arms before placing him in his cot. I can’t listen to him cry as I become agitated and can feel my stress levels rising which is not good for my mental state of for my child. Now he’s 18 months he will sometimes have a little winge, but will settle himself in a couple of minuets. I am strict with our bedtime routine and we always have a story in his room, his milk in the dark and music cuddles before I transfer him to his cot. I did the same with his older sister and for us it has worked most of the time. We have had times with teething or sickness when things have been a little harder, but if I’m honest I have enjoyed the extra cuddles those times have brought and we have gradually phased in the old bedtime routine until he is settled enough to fall asleep.

There isn’t much I’m organised with, but my children’s bedtime is something I am strict with as for my own mental wellbeing I need to have my own time to unwind. We always have the battle at bedtime especially with oldest, but if we stay firm and consistent she accepts it, eventually. I find that bedtime is one of my favourite times of day in our house as Mr T goes up at 7 and has his milkie cuddles then it Miss J’s turn for a story and cuddles in her bed whilst she tells me about her day. These are the only times in the day where I get proper one on one time with both of my children and I love it. I want to enjoy the moment with then both and enjoy the hour it takes me every night to get them to sleep.

I personally think that CIO is conditioning a child to sleep who’s emotional needs are not met. research has shown that this is damaging. I’m very aware that I have anxiety issues which I think have stemmed from my own childhood relationship with my dad. See my dad isn’t a bad person but the way he acted around me has made me extremely anxious. The reason he is that way he is probably from the way that he was parented and so on. I am trying to break the cycle by gentle parenting my children and I want them to grow up feeling confident, reassured and content.

It has been proven that children who’s needs are always met are more confident whilst some people still think it’s the opposite and makes a clingy child. Miss J was a shy baby and toddler and wanted lots of reassurance, she wanted me close and was often clingy, I refused to leave her with people unless I knew she was comfortable and I never pushed her into a situation she wasn’t happy with. Even now when she’s a little shy she still stuffs her hands down my top as its a reassurance thing to her that she did as a baby. Miss J on her first day of school looked around, cuddled and kissed me and walked off on her own. Everyday she has been happy and confident to go out into the big wide world without me so I’m certain all those cuddles haven’t done her any harm to become an independent little girl.

Mr T is a pretty confident toddler and is more than happy to be left with anyone. He’s much easier to get to sleep as a toddler than his sister and will happily lay down in his cot awake with some music and fall asleep. Sometimes I wish he would want cuddles more, as I love them so much, but his sister is still the cuddlier out of the two. Mr T is still breastfed and shockingly still confident and not attached to my nipple every second of the day. I think a lot of it is down to personalities as Miss J is very sensitive and like me which is fine.

I’m not the perfect mummy but I give the best mummy cuddles in the world according to Miss J and her opinion is one a care deeply about. I love to cuddle it out with both of them.

Read about cry it out here

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5 thoughts on “Why I love CIO – Cuddle it out

  1. Great post. Like you I very much think it’s each to their own. When we first tried to put our daughter into a routine we tried controlled crying. We followed advice in a book written by a sleep trainer. After over an hour of going in and out of the room, my daughter was asleep but I was stressed and unhappy. We abandoned that approach and instead I started to go to bed with her earlier (she was only about 6/7 weeks old at the time) and over several weeks we moved from me going to bed with her, to me getting ready as she dozed off, to me going downstairs for half an hour. You get the idea…

    I’d say I regret ever following the advice to start introducing a sleep routine so young and using controlled crying. But actually it made me a realise that’s not something I wanted to do. My almost 2 year old is now (as much as a toddler ever is) happy to go to bed. She sometimes won’t sleep for up to an hour but she enjoys playing in the dark and quiet with her two cuddly toys. If she needs me in the night, I go and we cuddle. Then she will usually settle happily again unless she’s ill.

    Like you, I want my daughter to know that if she needs me I’ll go to her. I know the difference between her ‘grumbling’ / just trying her to luck for attention and her actually needing me. So if she’s just whinging then I’ll let her be. But I know she can self soothe so if she cries I don’t see the need to wait.

    Sounds like you have two very happy and contented little people! #FamilyFun
    Angela Watling recently posted…What Little H did – 22 monthsMy Profile

  2. Good thing you had cuddle it out’ in the title otherwise I would have never read this post 😉 I’m like you a firm believer in not using Cry it out. Cuddles are the best and I’ll enjoy them while I can, before I know my little guy won’t need/want them anymore! #familyfun

  3. I agree with you to an extent, I’ve always worn and carried my son around on me. He’s very close to me but he’s also really independent. He Knows I’m near so that is good. I have let him cry it out a bit on occasion but it’s probably controlled crying but this is when cuddling did not work to get him to sleep. It’s been okay though. Parenting is no easy streak and we all do what we think is right, nothing is really wrong! Thanks for linking up to #familyfun
    Karen | TwoTinyHands recently posted…#FamilyFun Week 13My Profile

  4. Oh you cannot underestimate a mummy cuddle. Im with you, I would never judge anyone who has tried or used controlled crying, whatever get’s you through I say, but for me whilst I can’t say I did the research into it like you I just couldn’t sit there when they cried. I am there mummy and just wanted to cuddle them. Now they are one and two and sleep and go to bed really well so I don’t believe I created a rod for my own back. My second was much better and easier to settle at night too – I think that’s because he was my second though and I had a better idea of what I was doing lol. Thanks for sharing at #familyfun xx
    tammymum recently posted…Comment on When Scrooge Becomes A Mama by An imperfect mum (Catie)My Profile

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